He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
