He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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