pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
