My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
