So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
