Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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