Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
