i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
