Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize