I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
