Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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