How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she pinky promised me she was 18
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
