You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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