I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
