i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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