You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and she was petting her beer can
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
