You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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