all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
