Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
