all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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