Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
