maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
