That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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