For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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