and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
