when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
