Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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