my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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