I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize