how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
