Apparently you make a good broom.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
