i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
