Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
