I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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