He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize