Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
