You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
