im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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