My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
