a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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