its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
