chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
