Will you blow on my dice?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
