Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
