if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im part way to drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
