I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
