Someone shit on the floor
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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