Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
