dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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