you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
