dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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