Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
