I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
