I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
