is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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