I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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