there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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