I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize