new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
