Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
