Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
