nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This is my gift to your gina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
