ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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