found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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