boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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