You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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