we have pet lesbian snakes
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I want you more than these girls want KFC
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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