How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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