I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
