i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
