9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
