About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize