Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
