Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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