loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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