Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
