I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
