$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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