worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
