i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
