His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
