Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
