she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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