dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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