people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
