that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry about my life...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
