So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
