he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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