You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Terrible idea I love it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
