not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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