Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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