i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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