Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize