I'm going to jail i love you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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