Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize