I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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