Porn is love you can see.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
