She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
