return my video game
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
