Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
